The Birthday Party
This week I had one of the most moving moments in my professional life.
I work in Geriatric Psychiatry. As part of my job, I facilitate 2 groups on Positive Aging.
Last week, one group began with a patient sharing that it was his son’s birthday that day.
What emerged was that this was his anniversary of becoming a father. A seminal moment in anyone’s life.
So, I decided to do the group on “what do birthdays mean to you?” And on, “how do you celebrate your birthday now, compared to when you were younger?”
Then, I added to the mix one of my favorite questions, “how old are you chronologically?” And, “how old do you feel inside?”
It was a fascinating discussion.
Many of the patients shared that birthdays were not that important to them.
As they are aging, the group members shared that they are challenged by many health conditions.
Consequently, the patients feel more and more that they appreciate the gift of being alive each and every day.
Everyday is special, not just their birthdays.
Many in the group also shared that as children, they did not have a lot of material wealth. So, gifts and parties were not common.
But, one particular patient, Bob, shared that he never had a birthday party. No one in his family ever acknowledged or celebrated his birthday.
Although all the other patients voiced that birthdays were not as important to them as celebrating life — I think the thought that someone NEVER had a birthday party really touched them.
One patient, Henri, responded to Bob, “we need to celebrate your birthday. Next week, I am going to bring you a cake!”
Henri also asked me to remind him about his commitment when I saw him during the following week.
Although I did remind him, just in case, I brought in cookies, happy birthday napkins, soda and other paper goods to work for the group as a backup.
It turned out to not be necessary.
When I walked into the group room, I saw that everyone in the group had brought in something to celebrate Bob’s birthday!
The group bought a card, 2 gifts, drinks and a birthday cake! They even bought a candle and sang “happy birthday” to him.
Since birthdays are about sharing good wishes, I also asked my patients, “if you could have anything you want, what would you wish for?
Here is a picture of their responses:
It gave the patients great pleasure to give and support each other.
Truly, this was a touching and heartwarming moment!
The funny thing was, I told this story to my friend, Adelle, on my way home from work. Adelle then said, “you know, today is my birthday too!” An example of positive aging, Adelle proudly turned 70 on the day of Bob’s birthday party.
And now, today happens to be my birthday as well. I do not publicly admit my age. But, inside, I tell everyone that I am 87.
(I then remind them to tell me “you look great for your age!”)
In the Jewish tradition, a birthday is a propitious day for giving blessings to other people:
May we all be blessed with love, health, material satisfaction, friendship and peace, and many happy birthdays.
Many blessings,
Carol
*In order to protect the privacy of my family, friends and patients, please be aware that their names and personal identifiers have been changed.
What a heart-warming story! As they say, “Shared joy is double the joy.” Happy Birthday to you too! 🙂
(87, eh? Must be all that healthy food you’re always cooking up that keeps you looking so youthful!)
Blessings!
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I got the idea from my Aunt Chana. She used to tell everyone that she was 85, when really she was 82. This way, everyone would say, “Wow! You look great for your age!” I thought it was funny, and something different than being forever 21. The only thing is, one time a patient said, “you’re 87? You don’t look a day over 55!” (Which is older than I am.) every time I think of that patient, I laugh.🙈🙉🙊
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This is something that I wrote on my other blog that I wanted to share, since today is my birthday.🎂
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How uplifting! Thank you for the blessings!
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I am not sure I replied. Thank you!🎂
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I’m not that much into birthdays for adults either, but I too find it sad that to think about a person who never ever celebrated his birthday… 😦
What a wonderful touching gift that was for him and I’m sure to all of you.
Happy birthday to you too, and all the best wishes. 🙂
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Thank you. It was a very therapeutic, heartwarming, generous and ultimately healing event. It brought tears to my eyes.
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Even reading about it moved me, so no doubt participating was very emotional. How wonderful that you managed to give his such a healing experience. Never too late! 🙂
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No, it’s ever too late to celebrate. There is always hope.
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I agree I was very touched by this true story. The person who had a birthday party for the first time in his life will never forget it and the others went home uplifted because they had participated in his joy
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So true. One patient said something so fascinating. He said: “we must be hard wired to be givers, because it feels so good when you can do something for someone else.” I was astounded at his wisdom: a giving gene.
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Beautiful – This story is so moving and heartwarming. Your patients are so lucky to have you – and each other.
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Thank you! It was really a wonderful and touching moment. I have never seen such kindness and generosity. 🎁
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How wonderful for your patients and for you. Happy Birthday to you and many more!
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Thank you! It was a wonderful party.🎂
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I love the tradition of sending a blessing to everyone else on your birthday. I am definitely going to adopt that. My birthday is right around the corner. Now the idea of saying I’m older, I’m not sure I can get my arms around that one. Thanks for taking the time to share this story during this busy week for you.
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I think it’s funny to say you are older than your age. The trick is to say you are so much older that people know that you are joking.
It puts an unexpected twist on ageism –most people are always trying to be younger.
I like to say, “It is a privilege to grow old” and “be gray with pride!”
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It’s strange – my body ages but I don’t feel any different in my mind to when I was younger!
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That happens. You are not alone! It not only about growing old, but also about growing up.
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This is the most heartwarming story … Thank you so much!
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It really was wonderful. I still smile when I think of it.💞
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I don’t do birthdays but I am glad you were born 😊
Anytime there’s a coming together to help or uplift one of a group, its a renewer of faith in human nature..
Human nature has so many hurtful flaws, we sometimes forget our nature’s capacity for compassion and empathy, even our personal own..
It was a beautiful read Carol 😊
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Thank you so much! What a beautiful response! I always say, buried deep, in every person, no matter what, is a spark of true goodness. Our task in this world to reveal and strengthen that spark to help it glow.
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Carol, you look really good for your age. What’s your secret? I’m 62 on Wednesday 27th but still feel as though I’m 25, I just wish the old fat guy who looks out of the mirror at me would go away. Love to you now and always and may world peace be just around the next corner.
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Aging is a funny thing. I believe it is about growing up and not just about growing old. My goal is to transcend age. (Although seeking to be timeless and classic probably already dates me!) I do not worry about world peace. I focus on creating peace of mind. I believe that is where true happiness lies.
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World peace is the natural progression of order. We each change to become at peace with ourselves, giving up on hatred is the first thing we have to do then we can find peace of mind. Once everyone has peace of mind then no-one will fight their neighbour over the size of their wife’s vegetable garden. No fighting means no war, no war means we have achieved peace for the world! Done, dusted and delivered.
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Sounds like a plan!✌🏻
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It’s my plan anyway, if it works out then we’ll be happier and better off with no wars to kill our children unnecessarily.
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We cannot know why things in this world happen they way they do. I say, focus on accepting what is and then grow from there. There is a Plan. My job is to just follow directions and love other people.
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Before I go to bed, I wanted to say that I do not wish that “the old fat guy” would go away. Your body is the vessel that contains your soul. You are the only Dave Barclay that can fulfill your unique mission in the world. The world would not be the same without you, exactly the way you are!💖
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I just would like to lose some weight so I could find it easier to exercise, not that I don’t like me, although most of the time I don’t. I want to exercise more but carrying lots of excess weight means it gets painful to walk more than a mile. I suppose if I can cut down on the unhealthy options then I might lose some weight. Take care and have a good weekend xo
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I have some posts on how to make a healthy food plan on my cooking blog. I have a lot of opinions on food and mood. I once had a patient who gave up flour and sugar and he also started to exercise. he became a new person! He even went off medication. (Not that I am against medications. I consider them to be one of the miracles of modern times) healthy diet, exercise, prayer, meditation and focusing on gratitude and the good are keys for me to peace of mind.
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Happy birthday! Any many many more!🎉
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Carol,
Mazel tov! I wish you blessings for your birthday and the year ahead. What a lovely story! In my family, we did sing “Happy Birthday,” but for the adults in my Polish family, we sang “Sto lat” which is a traditional song wishing the birthday celebrant that she may live among us for 100 years! Sto lat!
Jo
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Thank you! I appreciate your warm wishes. It was one of the most meaningful experiences I ever had.
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